Betrayal: Navigating the Depths of Broken Trust

Sailors,
Have you ever experienced betrayal? I have from both sides. I've experienced confiding in someone, only to find out that other people were aware of my personal information. I've had people act behind my back, doing things that hurt me, and then trying to manipulate the situation when caught. This side of betrayal has taught me the importance of integrity and trust. More importantly, it's revealed that I can be a poor judge of character and susceptible to manipulation. Lessons that have consumed me with the waves of torment, and trust issues that have been challenging storms to navigate. However, each season has highlighted areas for self-improvement and better self-advocacy.

I’m not perfect. I don’t write from righteousness. I am a guilty party in the act of betrayal. I’ve made choices that have hurt those who cared for me, betraying those who I was entrusted to care for. I have followed the lead of my own temptations and undesirable traits, mostly seeking love and social acceptance due to low self-esteem and self-worth. For example, one of the many skeletons in my closet is when I'd discover that another person had a negative experience with the same individual I did and immediately felt connected to that person through our shared pain or disappointment. We would dive in and gossip about people we once respected. It was very validating and comforting but is also a phenomenon known as “trauma bonding”. It is not healthy and one of the many unhealthy habits I strive to break. On the flip side, I’ve learned through gossip that my negative experiences with someone might not match someone else’s. Sometimes, people I’ve had bad encounters with are positive influences in others' lives. This has helped me realize that each of us experience others differently and that gossip is not beneficial. It is this focal point that helps me denounce unhealthy, undesirable behaviors within myself that I don't value in others.

We often don't realize who might be discussing or mishandling us when we're not around. We might be unaware of the depth of trust someone places in us when they confide in us or grant us the privilege to take part in their private world. These misunderstandings can lead to irreparable betrayal – and I don't think anything is more painful. Betrayal is agony. It is disbelief, grief, and suffering all wrapped into one soul shredding package. It explodes the core of your heart, leaving you vulnerable and questioning everything you know. These growing pains are difficult lessons to go and grow through, particularly when they involve people we trusted to treat us with care and those we cared deeply about. However, despite the growing pains, they teach you the value of trusting yourself, knowing your truths over others’ denials, and treating others the way you would like to be treated.

Close-knit circles, like family, workplaces, schools, etc. are prone to engaging in betrayal behaviors like gossip, deception, disloyalty, backstabbing, abandonment, even infidelity. This behavior, however, isn't limited to physical space; it extends to the vast expanse of the internet, where our constant connectivity and online presence make such behaviors more prevalent. When you frequently share intimate spaces with others, conversations and behaviors can easily drift, leading to betrayal and, ultimately, pain.

We must tread carefully with our intentions, and actions. Let us be mindful of our behavior towards those we care about or once held dear. Betrayal can inflict deep wounds, leaving lasting scars. The way we sail through life can create ripple effects that impact others. Let's strive to take a pause before we act and ask ourselves if the action is aligned with our integrity, honesty, and empathy. Through this collective practice, we create a common ground of trust and mutual respect – sometimes from afar. It is important we commit to being trustworthy and handling others with the basic care and concern that all living beings deserve, especially if we expect to be cared for that way by others. It is equally important that we forgive those who have betrayed us, releasing ourselves from that agony and setting sail towards healing.

Signed,
-Just a messy mom in her kitchen.